Vote Now: FUNNIEST 'Sex Sent Me to the ER’ Story? 🤭 🍆

Whatsup MuFKRs? 👋

Welcome to another issue of "Is It an Emergency?"​​, a place where healthcare workers commiserate about the insanity that is our every day. Here, we provide a weekly peek at the chaos of the ER.

So, grab your favorite 5 o’clock drink, and we’ll dive into those “you can’t make this shit up” stories

Cast your vote for the FUNNIEST 'Sex Sent Me to the ER’ patient story! 🗳️

X Marks the Butt 🖊️ 🖊️

41 yo male, presented with foreign body. He reported he was a virgin and met a girl who wanted to get frisky. She was into “kinky” stuff and put 2 paint markers tied together in his rectum. He said when she couldn’t get them out she just got up and left. He tried for over an hour trying to get them out which was evidenced by the blood dried to the inside of his legs. Luckily the markers hadn’t turned into the sigmoid and my attending was able to get wrist deep in this guy's ass and retrieve them or he woulda had to go to surgery. The way the guy told the story I actually believed him. No “I fell on it” bullshit. 😂

Handi-Cuffed 🤕

Former medic here. Got a call to student housing at the university where a girl handcuffed her boyfriend to her bed and was riding him pretty hard I guess because his shoulder popped out of the socket. The 911 operator told her not to move his arm, and in her panic she didn't think to cover up either one of them either, so we walked in to a hysterical naked girl in a full blown panic attack about "breaking [her] boyfriend" and a guy in crazy pain bc his dislocated arm has been in handcuffs above his head for probably 20 minutes.

Ball Bleaching + Latex Pants = 🏥

I was triage when a 350lb man came in to see the physician. I asked him, “What brings you in?” and he said, "Oh, I can’t tell you. I need a doctor.” I told him I need to know your complaint so that you can go to the right space. He says, “Well, my girlfriend told me it was a good idea to put my balls in bleach and then wear latex pants on top. It started hurting so I soaked in the tub but it won’t stop hurting so I’m here.”

After the doc saw him, the doc said, “I don’t even know how you made it through life this far.” He then told the nurses to dress his balls and send him out. The patient approached us as he left and asked if we had seen the show “Sex Sent Me to the E.R.”? My friend and I looked at each other and said it was time to go.

👉 Cast Your Vote

None of us are paid enough—take your incentives how you can get’em, MuFKRs.

If the zombie apocalypse breaks out, you better believe I’m going home.

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 📊 Last Poll’s Results

Cheers to another week of ER adventures, MuFKRs!

— Steven