Vote Now: Scariest Halloween Story 🎃

Whatsup MuFKRs? 👋

Welcome to another issue of "Is It an Emergency?"​​, a place where healthcare workers commiserate about the insanity that is our every day. Here, we provide a weekly peek at the chaos of the ER.

So, grab your favorite 5 o’clock drink, and we’ll dive into those “you can’t make this shit up” stories

Cast your vote for the scariest Halloween story! 🗳️

The “Nurse” Who Wouldn’t Quit 🎃

We had a patient in her early 20s who showed up wearing a nurse outfit after a night of drinking, with a broken heel, smeared makeup, and a noticeable run in her pantyhose. She’d fallen while out celebrating and needed minor treatment. The moment we got her settled, she kept leaving her room and roaming the ER, “treating” other patients with her fake stethoscope, pretending to be an actual nurse. Every 20 to 30 minutes, we’d have to bring her back to her room, only for her to pop up again, introducing herself to new patients as their caretaker. It was obvious she wasn’t a real nurse—her outfit gave that away immediately. We couldn’t discharge her until she sobered up, so we spent the rest of the night babysitting our errant “nurse.”

Ax in the Head ​​🪓 

Halloween night. Most of the staff are dressed in costumes. Two guys walk in—one is the patient, the other, his friend. The patient has an ax lodged in the top, back of his head. There’s blood, but he’s walking and relatively coherent. The doctor assigned to him groans, “Great, I have to deal with these pranksters!” Deciding to play along, the doctor approaches the two men. “Hey, that’s great—fun prank. Now, we’re really busy tonight, so…” Other hospital staff stop to watch and laugh. Onlookers start giggling, laughing, and staring. Then the doctor takes a closer look. It’s a real ax—a genuine wound. The friend explains they were at a bus stop when someone suddenly plunged the ax into his buddy’s head. After X-rays, the ax was carefully pulled out of the victim’s head. He lived.

Jelly Bean Extraction 🍬

After Halloween, our pediatric ER practically turns into a candy removal service. A little boy came in with a black jelly bean lodged up his nose. His parents had tried everything to get it out. By the time they arrived at the hospital, the jelly bean had been stuck for a couple of hours. To remove it, we used a Katz Extractor, which is basically a short tube with a balloon on the end. You stick it up the nose, inflate the balloon, and when you pull it out, whatever’s stuck should come with it. Instead of a whole jelly bean, out came a giant, melted black glob of goo! The parents were expecting a full jelly bean and were pretty disgusted when they saw the stringy mess that had formed. And it’s not just noses—after a night of candy overload, we’re always checking ears too. Nerds, in particular, are a repeat offender. Those little candies fit perfectly in kids’ ears!

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Cheers to another week of ER adventures, MuFKRs!

— Steven